im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
