don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
