My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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