She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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