I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
