My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
