marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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