hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
