I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
