2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
