you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
