im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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