Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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