My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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