I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best revenge is premature balding
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
