you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
