I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
