And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
