this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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