Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
