addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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