Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
