Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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