Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
