next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
