My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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