Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just found puke in my bra..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
