she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
