pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
