she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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