remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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