I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
