honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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