I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You left your phone here
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