I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
