I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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