Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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