I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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