I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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