i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
