stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
