Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
