do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
