420 ftw
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
