look no pants
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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