I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
