They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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