So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
