you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
