She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
